I had just set something down on the entry hall floor and noticed this huge ugly spider. I mean it was huge. It had really thick legs. And it was ugly. Of course, that might be open to interpretation as it's just my humble opinion. It might have greatly appealed to a female spider.
In case you're wondering, I don't KNOW that it was a male spider or not. I just assumed. It wasn't like it was wearing a dress or 5 inch stilettos or anything.
I didn't have the bright lights on but even though it was a little dark I could totally see it, lying on the floor in wait for me. Waiting to pounce.
I knew I had to do something right then and there. I knew it was him or me. I said "Are you looking at me? Are. You. Looking. At. Me???" (o.k., I have no idea what movie that quote came from but somehow I know the quote)
It's hard to leave a spider because you don't know what it's going to do when you're gone. I mean, after all it's not like you want it to stalk you. What if it's not there when you get back? Where did it go? Your pillow?
I am convinced that there is a Spider Intelligence Network (aka SIN, no pun intended) and that everything we do is watched and noted by them. They don't miss a thing.
So I slowly crept away to get a paper cup. I figured I'd trap the thing until my hubby or one of the boys got home.
I grabbed the cup and crept stealthily back to the spider. I moved really slow because I didn't want to announce my arrival by casting a shadow on it. I didn't want it to see me coming.
I held my breath as I slowly put the cup over it. It didn't even move as I trapped it in its paper jail. I hoped it didn't have a shredder or scissors on it.
Then I thought that maybe it might have been working out in some spider gym. Who knows, maybe it's been lifting lizards or bees or frogs or something. Maybe it has a six pack. Or rather, a one pack.
I didn't want it making a desperate break for freedom out of there so I put something on top of the cup.
And I took this picture for you. You're welcome. Sometimes I amaze even myself.
My sweet hubby barely got in the door when I was telling him all about the huge ugly spider that I had trapped under a paper cup. I was telling him it was huge and had thick legs and I wanted him to get rid of it NOW!!!!
Hubby burst out laughing and promptly told me that I had "trapped" a fake spider. I didn't believe him. He had no idea what he was talking about, right?
So hubby removes the cup and reaches down to pick up the monstrous spider. I back up about five feet and go into a crouch. Hands up and eager to defend. I am ready for anything.
As his hand moves closer to the spider I am telling him "No, don't touch it! Don't touch it! It's real!"
And that's when my whole story began to fall apart. From several feet away I notice the spider is not reacting. It's not moving. Could it be dead?
I creep a couple of feet closer. It sits in the palm of my husband's hand. Not moving. Is it true? Is it really a fake? I creep closer to it, with one foot placed desperately behind me, ready to make a run for it should the need arise. My husband waits patiently for me to get closer. His hand is shaking with laughter.
Sure enough, I managed to protect myself from a plastic spider and all that planning and slow maneuvering so it wouldn't "see" me and run away before I trapped it was wasted. Spider fail.
Apparently earlier in the day my hubby had brought something in from the garage and the fake spider fell onto the floor. He just left it there as he was in a hurry to get out the door.
The really ridiculous thing is that later I asked my husband to go get the spider so that I could take a picture for this blog post. Then I promptly forgot about it.
Awhile later my husband comes up to me with the plastic spider in his hand and innocently says "Here, you wanted this."
Naturally I had forgotten and had no idea what he was talking about. So when I turned and saw the spider in his outstretched palm I again freaked and jumped a couple of feet in the air while he had a good laugh.
That spider had better be in the garbage tonight if hubby knows what's good for him.....
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